How we chose what age range we were comfortable with

This was an interesting and evolving topic that my husband and I revisited throughout the waiting process. 

Admittedly, we knew very little about the impact trauma has on children when we first became interested in become adoptive parents. We knew even less about the impact that trauma has on fragile and developing infants. Naively, this probably factored in to why we chose that "safer" 0-5 year old age range. We hoped that younger children would equal less trauma exposure and hopefully not as many memories of that past. Also, as a couple who struggled with infertility, we wanted the opportunity to raise a child or siblings in a way that still allowed us to experience the joys of parenthood... so the younger the children were at the time of adoption, the more time we would have to experience those joys in as organic of a way as possible. 

Part of the PRIDE training involved an afternoon of learning about the benefits of adopting older children. Unfortunately Bryan missed that session and even though I was convinced that broadening our age range might be a good idea, we kept it at 0-5 for a few years. As time went on and we had to update our file, we increased it from 0-7 years to include school aged children and take into account that sibling groups were likely to be older than five years by the time adoption becomes part of their plan. We increased it for a few reasons:

1. Our age. We had been "on the list" to adopt for over five years. Things change in five years. In that time, we went from eager late-twenty-something and early-thirty-something's to being well into our 30's, working full time, and both experiencing some minor health challenges that weren't making us feel any younger. Don't get me wrong, a lot of people have babies in their 30's, but the more we saw other people doing it, the more we thought "how are they holding it all together right now... could we really do that?" As time passed, the idea of adopting older children just became more appealing as we got older ourselves.

2. The "what you see is what you get" reasoning. A social worker said this to me at some point in the process and it stuck. While you're going through the application process, there is a seemingly endless list of things you have to check off as being comfortable with, whether it be some form of physical or mental disability, act of violence, response to trauma, etc. A lot of things on those check lists aren't things that would be apparent in a child of a certain age. With older children, you have a far better idea of how the impact of their history has affected their development. As I touched on above, you won't have a solid understanding of that until later on if you adopt an infant or younger child. Testing and assessments can be completed while school aged children are being fostered so that adoptive families have a better idea of how to support their children through the rest of their lives. Although imperfect, it is a strong argument for older child adoption. 

3. Our lifestyle and their independence. Over the years, we found ourselves sitting back and asking ourselves "what if?" a lot. While at our favorite family vacation spot. While visiting relatives during the holidays. While vegging out on the couch binge watching Netflix. We could have an infant or toddler to care for (who, don't get me wrong, would have adorable and exciting milestones to celebrate!!!)... or we could consider adopting older children and watch them swim in the ocean with their cousins during their first summer vacation together. We could watch them excitedly run around the house during our first Easter as a family. They could walk the dogs, learn to cook, hang out at their friends house for the afternoon, spend a week at camp in the summer... you know, things that independent, school aged kids don't need to rely on adults for. That little bit of occasional added freedom for us was definitely a perk and something every marriage .

4. They're fun! One of our good friends heard the ages of the siblings that we were adopting and the first thing she said was "Those are GREAT ages! They will be so fun!" We can hang out during movie nights, go hiking together, picnic on the back of the pick-up, run through a corn maze, talk about who created the universe, paint pictures, make bracelets, play board games, you name it. 

When the time came that we were finally matched with our current children, They ended up being even older than our designated age range... by several years. Their social worker was confident that they would be a good match for us and we are glad she made that call. 

Whatever your reasoning is for choosing the age range you are comfortable with, I hope this post helps point out some of the benefits of considering older children in that decision!